MERRY CHRISTMAS EVE!!!!

Dang you guys, my mom saw everything on my xanga (lol) but yeah she said if you guys dont watch what your saying then im gonna have to shut it down! But i still think its funny!!! -lol-

Why? Why does it have to be so hard for me? Im not confused, i know exactly what i want. And thats him. He's everything i want right now. Why can't he see that. I mean god knows im only human, im bound 2 make a few simple mistakes in life. But why does he give up, or so he says? Why give up when you've got so much to lose? I want to start all over, i want to feel like i did from day 1! I want that warm boy to cuddle with me on my cold couch. Or tell me everything's going to be ok, when it damn well isn't! He can make me feel like nothing can touch me. Like the entire world revolves around me, when no one even cares. I've tried to find these feelings with other people, but i realized something........ they aren't you. And they are never going to be you. I will never find that warm boy or that hopeful spirit. When you aren't around i draw your name on a piece of paper and make it creative. Then i just sit there and stare at it as if your going to come back to me. But it never seems to work. All i can do now is hope, hope that you can forgive me, i can forgive you, and we can just start over. Maybe then i'll get those feelings again, maybe i wont?!? But to this day i actually thought i knew what love was. I thought Cory was love, and i thought JP was love, but no....not until i met you. I was comfortable around them, but not like you. You have a power over me that makes me feel as if i have to be around you to be able to breathe. As i sit there in class taking a test that counts 30 % of my final grade, all i can see is the words fitting together to tell me what i did. Telling me, what i had was the best, and i thought there was better. I still can't walk down the hall and look at you, and wonder, just wonder is you were looking at me too, but playing it off like you didn't see me. If i am ever to have these feelings again, which i haven't had since you've been gone, im hoping that they can be shared with the one person who got me hooked on them. But till you come back i will always wonder, wonder what we would be doing right now if i hadn't of made the mistake i did?!?

Love </3 Allie  

Well, yet again i just dont see why they wont leave me alone? I try and try and try, but somehow those people wont just let me be. No, they have to keep up the drama and make everyone's lives a living hell! Who gets pleasure out of that?

I lost something because of them, i lost someone who meaned alot to me. He still does, but i guess he'll never realize how much he does mean 2 me, but thats ok bcuz he will always have them in place of me.

What does everyone see in them? They are nothing special, they are just burnouts who only care about themselves. Who wants friends like that? They lie, cheat, steal, and most are 2 faced! I wish everyone would see in them what me and Jarriah see in them. The maybe he wouldnt believe them over me.

He says he trusted me, but i know he didnt! Because he kept saying "are you telling the truth?" but someone who would have trusted me would have automatically known that yes, i was telling the truth. If you did trust me like you say you did, they why? Why would you feel the need 2 question me? Is it because of them? Do they mean more to you than me? Obviously so, because they won.

I was in love, i dont know if i still am, because if im in love with you, then that means im in love with them too?! That creates a problem for me, becuase where you are, they are. And honestly, i dont like them. Most of them are what people think they are: liars, drugies, and 2 faced! When are you going to realize it? They're happy they won. Because you were happy, and they had no part in it.

If they truely mean more to you than i did then ok. I hope you are happy with your decision to throw your life away like they are doing. They are all big and popular now, but where do you think they are going to be in 10 years? Not where you wanna be. But i hope this time you will realize what i have been telling you all along. Maybe you wont, but thats up 2 you!!!

<3 Allie

Currently Listening Tha Carter, Vol. 2 By Lil Wayne Fireman see related

Hmm..interesting week, im seeing more of my old friends and less of my new ones..but i guess thats what i asked for isnt it? Last night was a blast!! me and Brittanee got completely WASTED! It was great, Breanne and Heather were just making fun of us lol..well yeah just got back frum basketball then i have it frum 3-4 then we have a game 2night at Shelbyville at 7! U know we're gonna win cuz we r UNDEFEATED!!!  well yeah i need a shower so im out!

<3 Allie